How I’m Actually Doing.

“How are you doing?” As of late, I’ve been asked this question more times than I can count. What do you say when you want to be honest, but in all honesty you don’t even know the answer yourself? I’m… 

I mean it truly seems like such an easy question right? 4 simple words that I could honestly get away with answering with one simple word, but that’s just it. Nothing really seems simple anymore. I walk around my house feeling like a stranger. I put on clothes of a girl I once knew feeling more like I’m playing “dress-up” than actually feeling as if they belong to me. I crank a car thinking I’m doing something wrong and am immediately filled with the nervous energy of that 16-year-old who was first learning what it was to drive by herself. I pass by aisle after aisle of cereal boxes, chips, and cookies just staring because I can’t seem to take in that this is real. 

Don’t be fooled though, if I’ve answered this question with “good,” I am good, but it’s not that simple. How do you go about answering when day to day, moment by moment you experience the high’s and low’s of walking back into a culture where you once felt you belonged and now you feel as though you’re an outsider? 

So, yeah I am “good,” but I’m also confused, sad, joyful, thankful, grieving, hopeful, expectant, tired, longing, content, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, fulfilled, patient, and truly learning to live moment by moment and learning to embrace what each of those new moments bring.

I still have so much more to say. About God’s goodness. About everything I saw and experienced this year. About how God used my experience with The World Race to change me, to change my life, and bring back a girl who is completely different than the one who left 11 months ago. About how yes, I experienced the “abundantly more” that God speaks of in the Bible, but how He has told me that He STILL has that “abundantly more” for me even here in America.

To those of you who have been along for this journey from the beginning, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read the ways God has grown and shaped me within the words of my blogs, but I ask that you stick around because we’re just getting started. The “abundantly more” that God has isn’t just for me, but for you as well. Let’s experience it together.  

So in the meantime, as I’m waiting for God to give me the words of all He still wants me to share from this experience and who I am now post-race, I’ll leave you with this…

“Hey Meagan, how are you doing?” 

I am THANKFUL. I am thankful to be back with family and friends who love and support me. I am thankful for everything I saw and experienced this year. I am thankful that this transition has been hard and has both overwhelmed and underwhelmed me at every turn. I am thankful that God has taught me I must meet myself with the same grace and patience that He extends to me. And I’m beyond thankful to know that my God’s not finished with me yet.

Let’s talk more soon!

-Meagan