Lost…

     I wear a purity ring. I started wearing it my freshman year of high school, when I was 14 years old. 10 years. 10 years I’ve been wearing this ring around as a symbol of the pure love God has for me and the fact that I’m saving my purity and love for my future husband. The ring has the word “Agape” etched into it in Greek characters. Agape love is the most beautiful and pure form of love that exists. It is used 106 times throughout the New Testament, and is used to explain the pure, selfless, unconditional love that God has for us, His children. I’ve held onto this ring for 10 years of my life. It saw me through four years of high school, four years of college, a year of living off in Chicago, a year of preparation for The World Race, and many a crazy adventure sprinkled within these milestones. 10 years, and I lost it in less than 10 seconds.

     Let me explain… it all started back at Training when I was picking up my day pack after dinner and went to grab a chair to take inside for session. I started dancing and cutting up with some members of my squad when my ring flew off my finger, hit the wood of the porch for a split “clink,” and then nothing. Complete and utter silence, and no sign of my ring anywhere around me. “I lost my ring,” I immediately began saying and fellow members of my squad jumped to my aid to help me search for it. After 10 minutes of fanning out and searching everywhere for it, I despondently called off the troops because I felt terribly that they were already late to session on my behalf. My squadmates probably noticed the tears welling up in my eyes as they hugged me and promised that we could keep searching for it after session. I assured them that it was okay and picked up my pack and my chair to head inside.

     Many of our sessions at Training Camp were preceded with a time of worship. A time to sing praises and thanks to our Papa. A time to dwell more intimately with Him and go deeper in our personal relationship. A time to pray, to reflect, to cry out, to connect with God in whatever way that He was laying on our hearts- that was how we worshipped. On this particular night, worship for me looked like sitting with my Papa. The room rang out with praises and shouts being lifted up to God, but in that moment my soul was crying out for silence. For stillness. For a moment to just BE with God. So I sat down cross-legged on the floor and opened up my hands and my heart to God. As I sat with Him I felt Him ask “Can I have that, will you give it to me?” Immediately I knew He was talking about my ring. I said “yes God it’s Your’s, take it.” I then felt Him say, “What can I have; what will you give Me?” I started listing off anything and everything. “Take my hopes, my dreams, my plans, my fears, my finances, my time, my resources…” I broke down and my voice cracked as I uttered aloud the phrase “Take it all. You can have ALL of it. Take anything You want, anything You need to. I. Trust. You.” I sat in stillness for a moment then I felt Him say, “Meagan I’m going to ask much of you this year. There are going to be many things you will have to give up, forego, and completely walk away from. Trust me through every step of this journey.” I then felt the conversation shift and God began placing one of my squadmates on my heart. It was as if her name was playing on repeat in my mind. “Hannah. Hannah. Hannah.”

     You see a few days prior to this, Hannah and I were walking and chatting when she noticed my ring. I was able to explain that it was my purity ring, but told of how it meant so much more to me because I viewed it as a symbol of that pure “Agape” love that my Papa has for me. Hannah and I became very close at Training Camp and I even have the incredible blessing of being able to call her my teammate! She told me that she wanted to make a commitment to God. A commitment of love, of promise, of passion, and of purity. She wanted to commit her purity to God and trust Him with her present and future relationships; trust that He knows best and He only has good in store for her. She said she loved the idea and symbolism behind a purity ring and was seriously considering purchasing one at Training Camp.

     Fastforward to the day I lost my ring, but rewind a few hours back in the day, before God laid Hannah on my heart at session, before I lost my ring, and before dinner. Let’s take it back to the point on this particular day that my entire squad was having a meet-up so that we could discuss all that God was doing at Training Camp. People began sharing all that God was laying on their hearts and Hannah said she had something she wanted to share with us. She told us that she had wanted a sign from God. She prayed to Him and asked what He thought of her. He said to her, “you’re pure!” I couldn’t have been happier for her in that moment and was ecstatic as she proudly showed off her newly purchased purity ring to our entire squad. She boldly and publicly proclaimed it in front of all of us and I am so honored to have been a part of that.

     Okay now back to session… I felt God say to me, “Freely you have received; freely give. Meagan you’ve been given healing and freedom this week, help your sqaudmates be able to walk in their newfound freedom and boldly proclaim it as well! Be there for them, step up for them, fight and champion for what they need.” So that was it. It no longer mattered that I lost some ring. In that moment my Papa had gifted me with knowledge that far surpassed anything that ring gave to me.

     Sometimes we have to be willing to give things over to God, but what we get back in return always far exceeds what we gave to Him. To find out what He else He gave back to me come back tomorrow and read Part 2 of this blog. You won’t regret it, I promise!

-Meagan